2014 m. birželio 25 d., trečiadienis

fresh start

Hello.

*awkward wave*
I got this idea while cleaning my house. I don't really know where I'm going with this to be honest.
I feel like I can't even properly write since english is not my native language. However that would be stupid to stop me from doing what I want. Because only way I will get better at this language if I'm going to use it on daily basic. Am I right or am I right?

I'm one of those people who has love-hate relationship with writing. One moment I think this is so cool, expressing your feelings and writhing something others can be interested too. However sometimes I think this is the lamest thing ever, having blog and writing stuff nobody will ever care about. So this is why I don't know if all 'this' is going to work out. We will see, I guess. And by 'working out' I don't mean having loads of people reading my thoughts. For the first time in my life I don't. This may sound... Hm, I don't know the word... I can't seem to find the right one so I'm going to skip this 'it may sound' part. The deal is that whenever I do something I usually think about the outcome. I dream a lot and I always find myself picturing the near future(yeah, NEAR) when I somehow get famous really quickly. I don't know, I guess I want to be famous. This is weird and it seems obsessive and I do realize that it sounds like I am really vain and only think about the fame and money. But I can assure you that it's not true. Well, I don't really know why I want to be anyway. I can't explain this now, because I don't know myself, haha.
Anyway, about that fame thing. I tried many times. And since I haven't succeeded in like couple of weeks I would throw everything away and think 'naaah, this is not for me'. I tried to make a style-beauty blog. And I still kind of want to, but when I started I had nobody to help me take photos and I didn't had a camera which would be good enough to take photos. But the thing is that I could make it work, like in beginning at least. I could pick up my balls(I'm a girl by the way) and ask my friend to help me take pictures of my outfits and maybe start with my phone as a camera and then save money from birthdays to buy a good one. You know, I could at least tried, but I didn't. Then I started my youtube channel. Well, that went downhill after four videos. The problem is that I think I can have that instant fame and recognition. But life is showing me otherwise...

Anyway, this blog is not about me getting famous or anything similar. All 'fame' thing is just the rant I have been keeping to myself for a long time. To be honest I don't know what is this blog about. I felt like I needed to be more womanly(is this a word? If it's not then it will be). But how can I feel womanly when I don't have any shoes except converse and other trainers-like footwear? And how can I be womanly when I hate wearing anything revealing or tight, something that would show my figure? No, but seriously, I have a good body, I'm proud of myself, but I just love comfort so much that I can't let it go. Do you know what I mean?? 
Oh, and I want this blog to be cute. I feel like I'm starting to fall for these 'Paris' kind of things. Like flowers and those beautiful balconies... Since I was fifteen I wanted to live in London, and I still do(but I have never visited Great Britain lol). But when I think about it I would also loved to live in Paris. I don't even know where these thoughts are coming from! Maybe because I'm thinking of being a fashion designer... And somehow Paris and design is two things that go along in my head... I don't know. 
I just saw that I don't know a lot of things... Yeah, this is definitely true, because I'm so lost. This year will be my last year in school, after it I'm moving away from my parents. I plan on attending University in GB, but I don't even know what my dream job is. Maybe it is something with design? Maybe with acting? Maybe with writing? Right now I have the job that I hate, like really REALLY hate. And I'm just trying to find my true self... 

 
this is my dream, not going to lie

I guess this is it for the first post. I don't know what can you expect later in future. I have a lots of things planed, but if you only knew that I'm so bad at actually bringing them to life...

Till the next time,
Annabelle ♥

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